打電話

　　第二節課下課了，許多人都搶著到學校門口唯一的公用電話前排隊，打電話回家請媽媽送忘記帶的簿本、忘記帶的毛筆、忘記帶的牛奶錢……
　　一年級的教室就在電話旁。小小個子的一年級新生黃子云常望著打電話的隊伍發呆，他多麼羡慕別人打電話，可是他卻從來沒有能夠踏上那只矮木箱，那只學校給置放，方便低年級學生打電話的矮木箱……
　　這天，黃子云下定了決心，他要打電話給媽媽。他興奮地擠在隊伍裡。隊伍長長，後面的人焦急地捏著銅板，焦急地盯著說電話人的脣，生怕上課鐘會早早的響。而，上課鐘終於響起，前邊的人放棄了打電話，黃子云便一步搶先，踏上木箱，左顧右盼發現沒人注意他。於是抖顫著手，撥了電話。
　　『媽媽，是我，我是云云……』
　　徘徊著等待的隊伍幾乎完全散去，黃子云面帶笑容，甜甜地面對與紅色的電話方箱。
　　『媽媽，我上一節數學又考了一百分，老師送我一顆星，全班只有四個人考一百分哩……』
　　『上課了，趕快回教室！』一個高年級的學生由他身旁走過，大聲催促著他。
　　黃子云對高年級生笑了笑，繼續對著話筒：
　　『媽媽！我要去上課了。媽媽！早上我很乖。我每天自己穿制服、自己沖牛奶、自己烤麵包，還幫爸爸忙。中午我去樓下張伯伯的小店吃米粉湯，還切油豆腐，有的時候買一個肉棕……』
　　不知怎麼的，黃子云清了下鼻子，再說話時聲嗓變了腔：
　　『媽媽！我，我想你，好想好想你。我不要上學，我要跟你在一起。媽媽！你為什麼還不回家？你在哪裡？媽媽……』
　　黃子云伸手拭淚，掛了電話。話筒掛上的一剎那，有女子的語音自話筒中傳來：
　　『下面音響十點十一分十秒……』
　　黃子云離開電話，讓清清的鼻涕水凝在小小的手背上。

分

　　終於，她和他離了婚。
　　他始終不能接受這個啃噬他心肺的苦痛，也始終無法習慣家屋中沒有她的生活，甚至，時不時的，他會狠握兩拳，咬牙嘶聲地低喊著她的名字！一遍，一遍，又一遍。
　　電話鈴響的時候，他正呆瞪著天花板切切地思念著她，以致當他聽見她的聲音響自話筒的那一頭時，竟而驚詫得怎麼也回不出話來！畢竟，在他們離婚後的這兩個多月來，他們之間還從未聯係過。
　　『怎麼不說話嘛你！我在問你最近吃得好不好？睡得怎麼樣？』
　　怎麼吃得下睡得好？但他還是中規中矩地答復了！老天，他想，她還是關心他的！
　　『強，誰給你洗衣服？』
　　他斜眼瞄了一下浴室裡那一盆亂糟糟，口中告訴他自己洗衣服，心中卻狂狂地喜悅著！她喊自己『強』呢！當他們吵鬧得最凶時，她一向是『郭志強』連名帶姓地吼叫他的！他喜得眼都濕了！她喚他『強』呢！
　　『我今天打電話來，也是，也是想了好多天的。我，我，我實在不好意思給你打電話，我，我開不了口哪！』
　　他的淚潺潺而下。當初。她是多麼堅決而強硬地辦了離婚手續，如今，她悔了嗎？他歪斜著臉孔，將淚與涕水輕抹在肩頭的衣衫上，思忖著，要不要稍稍刁難地一下再接受她的懺悔？
　　她緩緩的，似乎考慮了又考慮，最後又喚了他一聲『強』，然後纔結結巴巴困難地開了口：
　　『我，我們分開的時候，我不是把那個描金的德國瓷瓶子分給了你嗎？我，你，你知道我一直喜歡那個瓶子！我實在喜歡，實在捨不得那個瓶子。我想，我想，我拿那個你很喜歡的那個紅框框的外國鍾和那個胖胖的大貝殼燈跟你換，好不好？兩樣東西和你換那一個瓶子，好不好？強，好不好？好不好嘛？』
　　好不好？
　　好不好？

再會

年輕的你，是分別的時候了，讓我向你說聲：『再會』。
希望你會好好地長大，能變成一個自己心中願意，並且他人也喜歡的那麼樣的一種人。我不是不承認個人的價值，相反的，我常常認為，先要愛自己纔可能去愛別人。
但是，你如果終生只停留在愛自己的角落裡，那麼，你將會失掉了很多奮鬥的機會，失掉了好好地生活一次的權利。
一朵孤芳自賞的花只是美麗，一片互相依恃著而怒放的錦繡纔是燦爛。祝你能有一個燦爛的明天。再會，我年輕的朋友。

listening to silence on a wednesday midnight. it's unusually quiet, the kitties have finally slept. this has been what a week. i've held up all my tears and finally cannot hold anymore.

this week at home i've learned, loving someone is a beautiful thing, but i have to learn not to hold eternity... it's not easy, but i'm learning to live in the present.

in this star-studded night, listening to silence, my heart pours out some painful memories. i wept, exclaiming with the light shower..


我已無詩
世間也再無飛花　無細雨
塵封的四季啊
請別哭泣

萬般　萬般的無奈
愛的餘燼已熄
重回人間
猛然醒覺那千條萬條　都是
已知的路　已瞭然的軌跡

跟著人群走下去吧
就這樣微笑地走到盡頭
我柔弱的心啊
請試著去忘記　請千萬千萬
別再哭泣

Daily devotions for 03-20-2007:
Title: Sorrowful, Yet Rejoicing
Author: Mrs. Charles E. Cowman
Devotion: Streams in the Desert
Scripture References:
2 Corinthians 6:10

Do you enjoy this devotional? Send it on to a friend!
____________________________________________________________
Title: Sorrowful, Yet Rejoicing
"As sorrowful, yet always rejoicing" (2 Cor.
6:10).

The stoic scorns to shed a tear; the Christian is
not forbidden to weep. The soul may be dumb with
excessive grief, as the shearer's scissors pass
over the quivering flesh; or, when the heart is
on the point of breaking beneath the meeting
surges of trial, the sufferer may seek relief by
crying out with a loud voice. But there is
something even better.

They say that springs of sweet fresh water well
up amid the brine of salt seas; that the fairest
Alpine flowers bloom in the wildest and most
rugged mountain passes; that the noblest psalms
were the outcome of the profoundest agony of
soul.

Be it so. And thus amid manifold trials, souls
which love God will find reasons for bounding,
leaping joy. Though deep call to deep, yet the
Lord's song will be heard in silver cadence
through the night. And it is possible in the
darkest hour that ever swept a human life to
bless the God and Father of our Lord Jesus
Christ. Have you learned this lesson yet? Not
simply to endure God's will, nor only to choose
it; but to rejoice in it with joy unspeakable and
full of glory. --Tried as by Fire

I will be still, my bruised heart faintly
murmured,
As o'er me rolled a crushing load of woe;
The cry, the call, e'en the low moan was stifled;
I pressed my lips; I barred the tear drop's flow.
I will be still, although I cannot see it,
The love that bares a soul and fans pain's fire;
That takes away the last sweet drop of solace,
Breaks the lone harp string, hides Thy precious
lyre.
But God is love, so I will bide me, bide me--
We'll doubt not, Soul, we will be very still;
We'll wait till after while, when He shall lift
us
Yes, after while, when it shall be His will.
And I did listen to my heart's brave promise;
And I did quiver, struggling to be still;
And I did lift my tearless eyes to Heaven,
Repeating ever, "Yea, Christ, have Thy will."
But soon my heart upspake from 'neath our burden,
Reproved my tight-drawn lips, my visage sad:
"We can do more than this, O Soul," it whispered.
"We can be more than still, we can be glad!"
And now my heart and I are sweetly singing--
Singing without the sound of tuneful strings;
Drinking abundant waters in the desert,
Crushed, and yet soaring as on eagle's wings.
--S. P. W.

This classic devotional is the unabridged edition of
Streams in the Desert. This first edition was published
in 1925 and the wording is preserved as originally
written. Connotations of words may have changed over the
years and are not meant to be offensive.

* * *
xiangxiang is feeling slightly better today, eating as i fed her and drank some water. she is still floppy and flops to my lap, and hates her headgear. but i'm glad she's healing well, it must be my warm bed (me) last night! (not to mention i woke up this morning feeling entirely unslept)

waiting for a good time to make my fresh sweetcorn and cheese spiral pasta.
God i'm so in need of a good break...
in need of a good heart.

* * *
月光曲

據說　用月光取暖的女子從不受傷
有處曠野容許她重新長出枝葉

學會了煞有介事地遺忘　學會了
轉身再轉身然後重新開始
學會了聆聽所有語言裡不同的音節
學會了像別人一樣用密碼去寫詩

讓欲望停頓在結局之前的地方
將巨大的精心繪製的藍圖寄放在
山岡高處
他的白木屋裡向晚微微暗去的牆上

　　一九九一‧五‧廿二

xiangxiang is a tame little girlie who loves getting pampered by mommy. she likes mommy's earrings, and loves sitting by mommy when she's studying. she purrs like crazy, an adorable companion in flat 29B :)

Dordor is a little piggy who eats loads and grows too quickly, likes jumping onto my piano, sniffing and attempting to chew on my handbag! when i sit on the sofa he'll just hop onto it as well and snuggles in his own place --> my lap. comfy, yea??